Finding balance

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Feeling like one of the most stressed out yoga teachers ever. I showed up for a meeting with my business partner, Alison Litchfield this morning and couldn't even get out of my car. I sat at the side of the road with my head bowed over the steering wheel, wiping away tears and choking on my own hypocrisy. Here we are, trying to put together the details for our equinox event on "finding balance", when my own life is embarrassingly unstable. It was as if everything suddenly tipped over the edge of being too much and I buckled under the pressure. I knew I desperately needed to recharge my batteries, but I couldn't see how that was going to happen. Juggling work and all of the demands of motherhood, I have ended up putting my own self-care on the very bottom of my to do list. So I just sat there, utterly depleted and beating myself up for letting it get this bad.

When I finally dragged my puffy face in to meet her, she took one look at me and wrapped me in her arms. As I collapsed, heart first into her compassionate hug I was instantly reminded why I love/need to work in collaboration. I don't have to always be strong. We can take turns. Sometimes holding it together and sometimes falling apart.

From my crumbled perspective, I could appreciate even more than usual the profound place of strength and grace that Ali is in right now. She has really surrendered to living her practice always and in all ways. Just being in her presence was like being with a living, breathing goddess. So healing. She helped to me take an honest look at what I have been doing and how my relentless desire for perfection was bleeding me dry.

Together we realized that we don't need to have all of the answers of how to live a balanced life in order to keep doing the work we do in the world. We can keep living into the question and hold space for all of us to find support with one another and the divine feminine.

By the way, I am writing this from the hammock that hangs beneath the apple tree in my backyard. I plan on staying here all day.


Friday, September 19, 2014
Just had the sweetest exchange with the lab tech at Kaiser while getting blood drawn. Somehow we got started talking about yoga and she excitedly bombarded me with questions. She said she'd always wanted to try it but had been too afraid. Then she shyly confessed that she just gave up smoking and feels really ready for a fresh start in her life. She looked so bright eyed and hopeful as we talked about the benefits of yoga and how life affirming it is. I encouraged her to at least give it a try. As soon as she finished taping up my arm, she eagerly ran to get a post it note and had me write down the name of the studio where I teach. When I stood up to say goodbye she thanked me profusely and I could tell she was fighting back tears. Of course that got me all choked up and before I knew it we were crying and laughing and hugging like old friends even though we had just met not even five minutes before. I walked out of the building full of heart aching gratitude for all of the ordinary moments made extraordinary and the life changing potential of every connection we make.

Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.

-Joseph Campbell

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